Flightless Bird
by The Hark-ness monster
Summary: post 9x03: Dean doesn't know how to tell Sam that Cas has to leave the bunker, so he doesn't until Cas is already gone. But Sam is not prepared to abandon his angel in his vulnerable state. He sets out to find Castiel and bring him home (sam/cas, porn with feelings)


_**For extra pain listen to "Make It W**__**ithout You" by Andrew Belle or "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron and Wine for which this fic is so shamelessly named.**_

_**Written for samsbeautifulbrokensoul on tumblr**_

_**honestly, didn't plan on this fic being so emotional. really, I promise. porn with feelings ahead. you have been warned.**_

_**enjoy this beautiful speculation before it inevitably becomes implausible with the premier of the next episode :p**_

* * *

"Dean, you seen Cas?"

It was a simple enough question, with a _really_ complicated answer. And one that Sam _really_ didn't like.

Upon hearing the news, Sam's heart sank to his stomach. "What?" Sam pulled himself up to full height, his face an expression of shock like it hadn't really sunk in yet.

Dean confirmed that Cas had gone.

"Are you insane?" Sam spat. "You can't just fucking make decisions like this without me, Dean. Who exactly do you think you are?"

Dean was honestly surprised by his brother's fury. He thought he'd explained it reasonably enough. But there was something else below the surface that Dean didn't see.

"Sammy, listen to me. He's got his issues, we've got ours, all I'm saying is we've got to work through them separately if we want to survive this," Dean told him desperately, knowing it was no use.

"Cas doesn't belong to you, Dean! You don't get to decide what happens to him! You have no fucking right."

Dean relented. In all honestly, he agreed with Sam, but he couldn't tell him the truth.

Sam stormed off towards the bunker's door. He shrugged on his jacked, shooting a harsh glare at his brother. "All this talk about family and you throw Cas out on the streets when he needs us the most. You're full of shit, Dean," Sam huffed, the disappointment dripping off his tone. Those were the last words he said to Dean before taking the car and driving off down the road to find the fallen angel. And Dean let him, because deep down, this was the last thing he had wanted. And he figured Ezekiel wouldn't let him get too far anyway.

But Ezekiel made no appearance. Sam was fully in control as he let his emotions fly. It was the determination, the will to find his friend, his love, that suppressed Ezekiel's attempts to take command his vessel. Since Sam discovered Castiel's fate, his mind had become a web of treacherous emotion and determination that Ezekiel did not have the strength to overcome.

The night was cold and it had just begun to rain as Sam spotted the man trudging along the side of the road. He rolled down the window. "Cas!" A thunderclap drowned out his call. "Castiel!" Sam shouted once more. This time he was close enough to catch Cas' attention. The ex-angel turned to face the sleek black car that pulled up alongside him, his face a map of his misery and confusion. Sam parked the car on the side of the road and ran to Castiel through the rain and the wind.

"Sam," he heard Cas whimper weakly. Cas squinted in the darkness, hardly believing his eyes.

Then Cas was hit with a wall of muscle as Sam embraced him, wrapping the smaller man in his arms in the warmest, most sincere hug Cas had ever experienced. Cas felt his heart jump in his chest. He pulled Sam closer against him and buried his face in his chest.

"Cas, I'm sorry," Sam said over the approaching storm.

Cas pulled away reluctantly to catch a glimpse at the hunter's face. "What are you doing here, Sam?"

He never got an answer, just a rough, passionate kiss on the lips.

They pulled away breathless and practically in tears. Cas hardly had time to even register the event before Sam pulled him out of the rain and into the car.

They sat there on the leather seats listening to the rain intensify in loud, heavy drops on the metal roof. They both stared out the foggy windshield trying to make some sense of what had just happened. Out of the silence, Sam said with burning sincerity, "I'm sorry."

Cas turned to him slowly. "Sam, you haven't done anything wrong."

Sam sighed heavily like the weight of the world was moving from his lungs. He shook his head, heart heavy with some twisted mixture of regret and guilt. "I couldn't," he told Cas. "I couldn't let you leave like that. Dean is…oh my god he's just so fucking impulsive sometimes," he growled, frustration coming off of him in waves.

"It's not your fault, Sam."

"I know." He nodded, accepting the truth reluctantly, but he added, "but that doesn't mean I can't try to fix it."

Their eyes met, communicating everything they could not say or even begin to understand. Cas allowed a small smile to come to his lips. Sam's compassion was inspiring, and he considered just the number of humans that could take a lesson from the noble hunter. His heart swelled with a strange sensation he'd never felt before. He didn't know this then, but it was the comforting thrum, the rush of true, unconditional human love.

"You can't though," Cas said at last, breaking the comfortable silence, his grin fading into oblivion and his bright blue eyes going dark.

"What?"

"You can't fix it, Sam."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dean has a point, Sam. And I agree with him. All I ever do is put you two in danger. I have no right to expect anything from you. This…this is for the best," Cas said softly.

Sam watched the shadow of Cas' face across the short space between them. It was the shadow of a hurt and helpless man.

"No, it's not, how can you think that?" Sam hissed. He didn't mean to sound hostile, but he _needed _Castiel to see how valued he was. And even if no one else did, _Sam_ needed Cas.

"I don't want you to get hurt, alright."

"Yeah well, what if I feel the same way about you?" This time when Cas looked at Sam there were tears in his eyes. Sam wanted to wrap his arms around the broken angel and never let him go. But he didn't. For now he just shifted closer to him on the leather seat. "You _died_ out there, Cas. On your own. Because no one was there to have your back…how am I supposed to sleep at night if I don't know you're safe?" The soft gentleness of his voice scared Cas, because he realized that no one had ever cared about him as much as Sam Winchester did right then. And knowing that he didn't deserve that twisted his heart into all kinds of knots.

All Cas could manage was a soft plea of "Sam…"

"What?" Sam choked, no longer hiding his tears behind a brave façade.

The angel leaned into the space between them, laying a gentle hand over Sam's. Eyes flashed with adoration and grief, nerves electrified where their skin touched. And they pulled slowly closer and closer together until they gave in to the will of passion.

They kissed before they knew how to stop themselves and a flash of lightening marked the event. It was slow, cautious, and terrified. Sam felt Cas' fear in the tension in his body and the slight tremble of his hands. All Sam wanted was to make sure Cas knew he was safe here. He kissed him harder but not aggressively. He brought his hands up to gently cup Cas' face and the angel whimpered softly into the hunter's mouth.

Cas' heart raced with fear and adrenaline. The last time he had done this hadn't exactly ended well. He was torn between this fear and his passion for Sam. But in the end, he surrendered himself. He knew Sam was the last person who would hurt him. Cas trusted Sam with everything he had, and he wanted to prove it. His heart twisted and ached as he kissed the hunter softly, tears stung his eyes but he just squeezed his eyes tighter and kissed Sam harder.

A moment of pause passed between them, they breathed in each other's hot, panted breaths. They allowed no more than an inch of space between their bodies. And how does one describe that incredible pause, that moment of breath before taking a leap, abandoning all thoughts of consequences and simply chasing what one desires? In the time of a single, synchronized heartbeat, they collided in a desperate clash of want and trust and need.

Cas clamored into Sam's lap, pulling furiously at the hunters lips with his own. He pushed himself into the hunter's arms, wrapping himself around his body and ground his hips down into Sam's lap. Moans were stifled by wet lips and tongues battling with each other in a heated passion. Their breath was hot and loud, inhaled and exhaled in quick gasps in the brief moments when their mouths were not pressed together.

The rain outside intensified.

Thunder clapped like the hearts pounding in their chests.

Everything else melted away and was reduced to the close air of the impala. The world stretched only as far as the space between them. Hands running desperately over bodies mapped the territory of their new world together.

Fingers grasped and pulled at clothing desiring to touch and to feel the smooth skin underneath. Together they struggled out of their shirts, dampened by the rain. Lips and hands moved in a rough push and pull like the crash of waves.

"Cas…" Sam sighed when he felt the ex-angels hands run down his bare chest. Sam pulled Cas closer by his hips. They both gasped, feeling the friction of their hard cocks against each other.

They slowed to a stop before they continued, gripping each other tight like the other would drift way forever if they didn't. They were nothing but shadows in the darkness of the car, moving and breathing as one.

Cas tucked his head against Sam's neck, brushing his lips there and feeling Sam's fluttering heartbeat beneath the skin. A quiet whisper escaped the hunter when he felt Cas warm breath against him. He let his head fall back against the seat of the car and slumped down further, arching harder up against Cas' body.

Cas' hands traveled south down Sam's body pressing cold fingers against warm flesh. Sam sighed and arched into the touch while Cas worked hungrily at his neck, moaning as he went.

"Cas…" Sam whined as he felt the angel's hands fumbling with his belt. Sam spread his legs wider, an invitation. _Don't stop_.

"Want this, Sam…want _you_…" Cas breathed as if to explain himself, but the ways Sam's hands grasped at his ass ensure him that he didn't need to.

Sam wriggled out of his damp jeans as much as he could, just enough to free his cock, while Cas kissed him furiously, moaning into the angel's lips. Cas pulled back with a whimper, his cock throbbing in the tight cling of his wet jeans, and he moved to free it at last. And he could not have predicted the incredible ecstasy of the feel of their hot cocks rutting against each other. He let out a glorious noise that made Sam's heart nearly stop, somewhere between a sigh and a whine.

"God…Cas…" Sam ground out through his teeth, his whole body drawn tight, bucking his hips up to get more of that brilliant sensation.

Cas began moving his hips, thrusting against Sam, panting and moaning as he went. And Sam held him with a vice grip to keep him there, his own heavy breath echoing that of his lover.

They rutted against each other, faster, harder, racing to the edge of pleasure. Their hands ran over every inch of skin they could reach, sinking into each other's touch, feeling their souls fuse, their hearts brush up against each other, their skin melting together as one.

Sam slid a hand between their bodies, wrapping his long, slender fingers around both their cocks, hearing Cas cry out in pleasure.

"It's okay," Sam soothed him with a quick kiss. "I've got you," he promised, beginning to slide his hand over their lengths, both of them leaking onto his fingers, slicking the way.

Cas let out short little gasps punctuated by staccatoed "ah"s that seemed to punch their way out of his lungs. He thrust his hips in short bursts of energy, pounding into Sam's fist that encircled both of their lengths, sliding together. There was so much skin and so much sensation Cas felt himself get light headed. He collapsed against Sam, panting out short breaths that sounded like weak, half-formed pleas that were trapped somewhere deep in his chest.

Cas was so close he was groaning now with each thrust, getting more desperate, more debauched. Sam increased the pace of his strokes and tightened his grip around the angel's waist.

"_Oh_- Sam…" Cas sighed in a high octave that truly revealed his insuppressible arousal. The tightening of his arms around Sam's neck let Sam know just how close he was. And before he knew it, Cas was spilling into his hand, pulsing hot and wet between their bodies with a choked gasp and soft whimpers thereafter.

He was so goddamned beautiful it took Sam's breath away for a moment. The journey to heaven and back lasted only seconds before it hit Sam that Castiel, the love of his life, had just fulfilled what he thought had been his most unattainable dream.

And he couldn't speak in that moment. All he could manage was to pull Cas' face away from his neck to kiss him like his lungs held the only oxygen on earth. He pulled at his thick, throbbing cock, now soaked with Cas' come and those few seconds before he reached his climax are filled with the most intense, indescribable pleasure Sam's ever felt.

A hot heavy groan escaped him and he came rocking his hips up into Castiel's body, now limp and sated above him. His pulsing cock twitched against Castiel's, now soft. Long lines of white marked his chest to join the ones already painted there. His body thrashed and spasmed gently at his attempts to contain the intense seizures of pleasure that shot through him.

His throat tightened as he came down from the high of coming long and hard between their bodies. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs wholly and completely, the skin of his expanding chest brushing against Castiel's.

The car was silent and all was well in the world.

Sam sighed and leaned back, sinking deeply into the leather beneath him, not minding the stick of the sweat over his skin. When Cas pulled himself up in his lap and tentatively drug his tongue across Sam's chest, lapping at the thick strings of their mingled seed Sam swore he nearly lost his mind. It's so incredibly hot and so damn unexpected he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. So his hands shake and his eyes squeeze shut and his spent dick twitches with one final effort as he bites back a groan.

They both sigh in the silence of the space between them while a regrettable synthesis of agony and sorrow took root in their hearts to replace their ecstasy and elation.

Pressing their foreheads together Sam told Castiel, "I just want you to know that I love you and nothing will ever change that."

Cas bit his lip to combat the tears and nodded sorrowfully, accepting Sam's confession.

The hunter kissed both of Cas' cheeks, consecrating the riverbeds for his not-yet-fallen tears.

They said nothing after that. They stripped fully out of their jeans, wiped the stickiness form their chests and Sam wrapped them in the blanket the kept in the back seat.

They spread their bodies out on the black leather, Cas comfortably nestled above Sam, resting his head against his chest. Neither of them really fit but their situation didn't really allow for them to care. Sam kissed the top of Cas head and they let the sound of the pouring rain drown out their thoughts and sooth their aching hearts like a narcotic for the soul.

* * *

"Dean's not going to allow me back, Sam."

The light shone through the glittering drops of precipitation on the car's windows.

Cas felt the steady rise and fall of Sam's chest beneath him. The hunter stared out the windshield, running his thumb over Cas' hand.

Cas shifted and so did Sam to bring their lips together in a chaste kiss.

"I love you, but I can't stay."

"I know."


End file.
